Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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