he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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