If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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