Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
