Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
