Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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