I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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