I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
they need to just BURY HIM!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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