when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
