i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
