Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
