I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
