I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
