I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
