He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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