I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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