well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
