just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
