i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
