So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
