Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
