he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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