hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
