At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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