the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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