I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
