everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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