You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
