tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
