Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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