your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
