i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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