Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
