I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
