What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this boner is exhausting
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
