Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
