Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
