I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Boobs are out for the taking
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
