I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
