I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Duck Duck Cougar?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
