Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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