I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
