I didn't shave. On purpose
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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