Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
