he thought i was a dude.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
