I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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