ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
