TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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