i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
