Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
