But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
