I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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