Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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