I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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